Somewhere Only I Know
"And if you have a minute, why don't we go? Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go somewhere only we know?" - Keane
If you are not too familiar with this song, Somewhere Only We Know by Keane, it discusses going to a place where only you and a special person know. I, myself, have interpreted this song to find a place only I know. Why? With all the hustle and bustle of the world, every one needs time alone. Time to gather thoughts, to let out all emotions, and to meditate.
Sound like rubbish? Its not.
Before I had decided to go on a mission, I remember I was adjusting to life after high
school, parents being divorced for a year and getting out of depression, just trying to find any purpose in life.
Everyday I felt hopeless and that nothing was going right. Until one night, I decided to go for a drive. I ended up in the Centerville cemetery at 2:30 a.m. I stopped near my Grandpa and cousin's grave. The air with its brisk spring chill welcomed me as I stepped out of my vehicle and sat right next to both tombstones. I stared at the sky, contemplating everything that had occurred in 18 years, and everything I had held back, the pain, the fear, the uncertainty, at that moment, came out. It was probably the first time, I can recall, where my emotions took over and like a waterfall after the snow has melted, tears gushed out of my eyes.
After what seemed to be 40 minutes, I started a conversation with my grandpa and cousin. I told them how I felt, what had happened, and described my uncertainty on what to do next. I asked how they could help me know my purpose, when all was lost. Did I get a response? of course not. They are both dead. But, I arrived many nights thereafter to just converse with them about my current events and describe my feelings. All I needed, was someone to listen, and that is what I felt when I went there.
I realized the importance of taking some time to be alone and ponder on my feelings.
Once I decided to serve a mission, the pain and worry of leaving my family for two years really sunk in. I was scared of what would happen while I'm gone. My family was already split and my siblings needed me to stay, for, I felt, I was the glue keeping us all together. My usual place became inaccessible due to the gates being closed. So, I had to find a new place.
I came out of the Bountiful temple one night, and drove near the B on the Mountain, and just parked my car viewing the temple and the city of Bountiful.
The sun was setting and the temple lights were preparing to turn on, to display the temple during the night. As I sat there, I put my worries on a plate(metaphorically), and started a conversation. This time, it was with God. I explained everything to him.
But this time, it was different. I got a response. I felt, that everything was going to be alright. That, I need not worry, for He is God. I felt at peace. Whenever I felt like everything was in chaos, I would take a step back, get in my car, and drive to that spot.
I found the place only I knew.
We all need that place. That one place that we can examine our own lives, see what needs to be improved, see what needs to be removed, set goals, commit and change. Also, to take a breather from the hurried pace of the world; it is good to take a moment and just, relax.
If you haven't found that place. Do it. It makes a whole heap of a difference. I live far from that place now, so I am currently searching for a new location, but I know we all deserve that time alone.
Find it. Cherish it.