Shame is NO Excuse!
So, day 3 brought a lot of emotions out. For one, I was in denial for so long, thinking I was still at one weight, trying to convince myself that I didn't have a problem. Until, I stepped on to the scale.
I stepped onto the scale to be able to set a right goal. However, my feeling was not positive when I saw the final number.
In my whole 28 years of life, never...and I mean NEVER, was I this heavy. I always struggled with weight my whole life and at one point I had good control, but then life's sporadic challenges and my anxiety taking a new high I now reached an all-time low with an all-time high on my weight.
I was ashamed. I didn't want to get close to 300 lbs. and now I am only 20 lbs. away.
This shame lead me to do something I was not trying to do...work out extremely.
I put heavier weights on my squats and pushed my body to complete the workout.
But then it hit me...
And I stopped...
Before I fatigued my body any further to the point of throwing up, I stopped. I ceased working out and I just sat down. I was so ashamed of myself I was willing to hurt my progress only to punish myself for letting myself get this heavy.
I was willing to make myself suffer just to understand the damage of my denial. Never had I hated myself so much that I was at the brink of crying...Yes, crying! In the gym!
But I took one look at myself in the mirror and after 5 minutes of just staring and feeling so much shame and hate... it suddenly, got lifted away.
I no longer felt hatred or shame. I understood that with every decision there is a consequence. I chose to ignore my anxiety eating for so long it took me to where I am now.
However, because I had started reading a self-development book "Your Extraordinary Power", it finally clicked, that I was in control.
The negative feelings left, and what took its place? Love and motivation. After a long time of self-doubt, I was filled with self-love. Love for myself to want what's best for me. And what's best? Being healthy.
Being healthy, not only will benefit me, but will also give me the energy to play with my daughters more. Motivation because this moment reminded me of my "why". My reason to hustle, my reason to be healthy, my reason to work on my dreams. It motivated me back to wake up every morning determined to make each day a success, even if it was a small thing.
I am filled with a wonderful support group! All I had to do was get out of my own head and see the potential everyone saw of me.
I see my vision and I will work until I reach it! No more going back!